We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
