I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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