A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize
