dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
