What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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