Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
