im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
