there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
