My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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