Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize