I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
