And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
