Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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