i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
