she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
