yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
