I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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