She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize