I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
