Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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