At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
