I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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