Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
