dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
