I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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