so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
