we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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