I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
