I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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