I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Randomize
