I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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