you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
