Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
