I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
