Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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