Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
