i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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