it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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