I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
