ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
