saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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