I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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