im drinking this country out of the recession.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
