I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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