My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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