I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I'm both gender and math confused
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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