come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
