guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize