Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
