dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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