Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize