My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
