im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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