I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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