apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
