she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
