she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
