U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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