Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
