The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
