So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
