if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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