Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
