she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
