Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
