I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I forgot how hot balto sounded
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
