Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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